Catching Red Flags 🚩🚩🚩

✍ by Justine Anweiler, The Progress for Better Relationships, 2025.

🚩 Red flag = this doesn’t work for me

We don’t always see or measure our progress in the way it’s actually working.

Last week, I found myself in a work situation where I realized I was in an old pattern. I wasn’t clear or upfront with what I needed in a project, and what I was being offered felt like the bare minimum.

🚩 As the first major red flag popped up - one that woke me up in the middle of the night - I addressed it that morning head-on. I did a vibe check. I asked the right questions to determine if my proposal was being executed with equal enthusiasm.

This is important to me because, as my wise friend Tyson advised me, the success of a project comes down to the relationships.

He said something like: you can have a shit idea, but with the right people, it can be a HUGE success. And equally you can have an epic idea, but with the wrong people, it’s a total flop. Because 80% of a project’s success is built on relationships.

So at the first flag, we worked through it.

🚩 Then I hit the second red flag of the leadership and execution, feeling like a one-woman show. I have learnt that muscling or type A-ing my way through anything no longer works for me. So again I deliberated.

🚩 And finally, I hit the last red flag of financial resources.

Whilst a part of me groaned at how I had spent a week in the ebbs of flows of “It’s fine. It’s going to be great!” and “I feel very alone on this” – a louder part of me was able to see that the timeline of red flags had shortened. I had caught and addressed them sooner.

I had stayed in jobs for years where I swallowed my red flags, pushed on through and ignored the signs of my body.

And whilst I dream of a timeline of infinite green flags, I now think those may not exist. As Elizabeth Gilbert said a The School of Life talk:

❤️‍🔥 We were not promised happiness with moments of suffering.
❤️‍🔥 We were promised suffering with moments of happiness.

Conflict isn’t avoidable, so it’s how about how we deal with it.

What if we started measuring our progress in strings of red flags?
✅ Are your strings getting longer or shorter?
✅ Do you act on the red flags quicker?
✅ Do you act on them with more regulation?

Article FAQs generated by ChatGPT:
1. How does redefining red flags as indicators of progress shift our relationship with conflict and failure?
By viewing red flags not as signs of failure but as markers of self-awareness, we transform conflict into a feedback mechanism. Instead of reacting with shame, defensiveness, or avoidance, we can use red flags as opportunities to measure growth in discernment, boundaries, and communication. This mindset shift builds emotional intelligence — it acknowledges that discomfort often precedes transformation and that evolution is evidenced by how quickly and calmly we respond to what once destabilized us.

2. Why is relational alignment more important than the idea or project itself, as highlighted by Tyson’s advice?
Tyson’s insight — that relationships determine 80% of a project’s success — underscores the truth that collaboration is an energetic exchange, not just a logistical one. Even the best ideas fail when trust, communication, or mutual enthusiasm are missing. Conversely, average ideas can thrive when the people involved share respect, accountability, and aligned values. Recognizing this re-centers “success” away from output metrics toward relational health — the capacity of a team to stay connected and regulated amid creative friction.

3. What does it mean to measure personal growth by the “timeline of red flags” rather than by achievements or outcomes?
Tracking how quickly, clearly, and compassionately we notice and respond to misalignment is a powerful form of self-measurement. It moves us from a productivity-driven model of growth (“What did I accomplish?”) to a self-mastery model (“How attuned am I to myself and my environment?”). Over time, as our red-flag response window shortens and our reactions become more regulated, we witness evidence of deeper embodiment — the kind of progress that sustains long-term creativity, health, and trust in one’s own intuition.